Despite the terrible things that have occured on this day years ago and all the drama that was filling the air yesterday I actually had a pretty good time. 
I got woke up by a casual dad and a sick mom. We sat together at the breakfeast-table and as soon as I finished I jumped back into the warmth and comfortness of my bed until I had like half an hour to get ready for church.
I can just vagely remember the process of me thorwing some clothes on and wandering off to the bus.
I sat on the bus all peacefully until the next stop - where Alida, Lisa and what'sherface stepped on. "Oh great. Now I have to make conversation" I thought (I was really not in the mood ok? Don't judge me.). 
We sat on the bus having a pathetic excuse for a conversation (because I didn't keep it going) until we arrived at our destination.
Walking from the busstation to the church couldn't have been that interesting because I can't even remember it.
Entering the church we were welcomed by an breakfeast-eating Emma. Lisa, Alida and myself joined in at the breakfeast-eating and we all sat there chit-chatting until everyone had arrived.

First thing after "breakfeast" was to warm up our throats (at this point I weren't as tired anymore and actually quite friendly), it was fun, we had to go MMMMMMMMMmMMmMmMMmMm and RRRrrRrRrrRrrRrrRrRR and badibabadoobabadibabadooba badibadoobadibadoobaaaa. Lol whatever.
After that I guess we went through the songs we're singing saturday.
One song we had to sing was Halelujah.
I was quite nervous but I didn't mind beacause singing with other people around me is comforting in a way - you can hide, not be loud, pretend that you're actually participating .. helping everyone out when you're actually just standing there doing nothing. That's what I've always done, until yesterday.
I don't know why or how (I'm actually stunned it happened) but suddenly.. I felt comferable, like really comfertable, like I could speak up, be loud, be as fucking loud as I want to, just sing, sing for real, not hide, just once so I did, I sang with all my power, with all my strenght and it felt awesome.
After this thrilling experience I was in complete and utter schock. What the hell did just happen? Did I sing? Like for real? Not hiding.. not pretending, did I really just do that?
I barely made it to the bathroom before I bursted out crying (lucky no one noticed), at that point I was just schocked. 
I've always and I really mean ALWAYS, been really really really insecure on my singing.
Why? I have no idea, it's pathetic really.. no one has ever told me i'm bad, I don't have an excuse, I've just never had the guts to sing infront of anyone. Not even my parents.
I don't know why I started crying, I just didn't know what else to do - as I've said, it was shocking.
At the time I thought they were tears of humilliation and just pure sadness but now that I look back at it .. I thik they were tears of joy.. releaf, to finally do it. To take the step and just fucking do it.
I don't think I've mentioned it yet but even though I've always been this insecure about my voice, I've always loved singing - by myself of course. Alone, hidden.. for no one else to hear, but I've always loved it.
Anyway so lots of stuff happened after this.

I finally forced myself out of the bathroom (I couldn't stay in there forever despite the fact that I really wanted to) and then after I grabbed a sausage I quickly texted Alida what had happened. Just as I were about to text her something like "Please don't try and make me feel better, I'll just sob like a fucking baby" she puts her arm around me and I have to make a really huge effort not to cry, but then I couldn't keep it in longer and the tears came running down my cheeks like rivers, so we ran away from the table and she just let me cry it all out. 
After this Bitte came and asked what was wrong and stuff so I explained and started sobbing again blah blah blah she said that we all sounded wonderful and that if there ever was someone who didn't sound good and ruined the thing she'd tell us right away (not sure if I can rely on that but yeah) anyway blahblahblaah lots of stuff happened and icba telling everything because it's not important or relevant in any way.

Came the time when we had to sing at the ceremony-thingy (oh yeah.. didn't I tell you? we had to sing.. infront of people) and I did it, just as loud, proud and clear (if not even more) as the first time, and it felt amazing.
After we'd sung a whole lot of different people came and gave us compliments on our singing, apparently it was a succsess! 
Alida gave me a hug and said she'd heard me, and that it sounded amazing, and I actually beleived her because it felt great.
No one had ever heard me sing before - as I explained earlier - no one, not a single one until yesterday .. and when she did, she thought it was great. I couldn't be happier.
It was like I had been given this shiny new toy and couldn't wait to share it with the world.
I guess it was a little self centered but it was like I was given something I've always wanted - curage enough to do it, and appretiation .. that people actually enjoyed my singing.
I guess I'm not as insecure anymore and it feels great.
The rest of the day was spent singing, singing and again.. singing.
Me and Alex, Patrik on the guitar and Andreas on back-up vocals, hahah n_n, Alida also joined in once but as her type (nr4(?)) she was how she was and didn't want to join in at first and blaha (that is a complete other drama-filled story)